I appreciate and admire Roxane Gay so much. My copy of Bad Feminist is filled with marginalia and I follow her on Twitter to keep up with her latest essays. She writes in a way that examines her subject from all sides and illustrates the complexity of situations that may seem black and white. Her written work is wonderful, but I rarely hear her speak. When I found this video, I watched it three times in a row. Gay’s struggles with saying ‘no’ resonated deeply with me. Here’s a snippet:

When things aren’t going your way, it helps to have a reminder of your strengths. Based on a book by Andy Selsberg, “You Are Good at Things” celebrates the tiny victories: knowing just how high to toss a baby before it gets dangerous, deciding which doughnut you want with briskness and confidence, or trying on cheap sunglasses like you’re in a movie montage. Dan Castro’s animations made me smile on this chilly morning.

There are two types of people, askers and guessers. Askers will ask a favor without any expectation that you will say yes. Guessers will only ask a favor if they believe there is a high probability that you will say yes. I am a guesser, so I need to recognize that people don’t always expect a “yes” and I have the power to exercise my “no.” Shoutout to Jocelyn K. Glei for blowing my mind apart with this revelation.